Fast forward to a few weeks ago, when I was at home sick and finally catching up on the dozen Chelsea Lately episodes in my DVR. The first show I watched had guest Dita von Teese. For those of you who don't know who she is, she is probably the world's most famous burlesque performer (certainly the only one I know by name). She splits her time between Los Angeles and Paris, but only does a few shows a year in LA. I thought it was a pipe dream to ever see her perform, but here she was, on Chelsea Lately, announcing TWO shows at the Roxy Theater on the Sunset Strip in mid-May. Bingo!
I immediately texted Barbara, my burlesque partner-in-crime, and told her we we going.
When the night of the show finally arrived, we made our way down Sunset Blvd over to the Roxy. I've heard about this club several times, along with the other clubs nearby like the Troubadour, Whiskey-A-Go-Go, the Viper Room, Rainbow Room, etc etc. I've never been to any of them, nor have I ever wanted to, because when I read the Motley Crue autobiography years ago, they went into detail about how dirty and dingy these clubs are, and I have it on good authority that none of them have really changed.
There was already a line forming outside for the 7pm show, so we got our tickets from will-call and hopped in line. When we made it into the club we got drinks, carved out a good spot to stand, and waited. We thought the show would start at 7, apparently the show actually started at 8:30. I was so glad I had worn flats! (I learned a long time ago to NEVER wear heels to a general-admission show, I don't care how fancy the place is, the pain is never worth it!).
When the lights finally went down, the gender-ambiguous host came out, got the crowd excited, and introduced Dita von Teese. It was immediately apparent to me why this woman is the world's most well-known burlesque performer. She was captivating, mesmerizing, and very, very good at what she does. For her first number she did her famous martini-glass performance. She started in a full suit (complete with top hat!), while dancing and lip-syncing to a 40s-esque song about liking a man who takes his time. She slowly revealed more and more skin, eventually ending up in a corset. Dita is a very thin woman, but after years of wearing corsets, she can get her waist in a corset down to 16 inches. 16 inches!!! It's a sight to see for sure. After the corset came off, she climbed into the big martini glass and squeezed a big sponge full of water all over herself. Yowza.
The crowd went wild.
Then we saw several other performances. We watched a Russian girl named Lada from the Crazy Horse is Paris do acrobatics on a huge heart-shaped apparatus, a spicy Latina named La Cholita shimmy like her life depended on it in a hot pink chiquita-banana outfit, and an Elvis-inspired number. Then Dita came on again!
This number was another one of her "signature" dances, where she is on-pointe in ballet shoes, dancing in and around a 8-foot tall makeup compact. She started out in a big fluffy tutu that mimicked the pad for the compact, and ended up practically naked covered in a cloud of powder. Obviously, my favorite performance of the night.
Then we saw more acts. Another from the Russian, then one from a full-figured black woman who jumped in the air and landed in the splits (how do people DO that!?) and then an audience-participation dance-off. The host pulled none other than PRINCE POPPYCOCK from the audience (anyone who saw last season's America's Got Talent knows who I'm talking about) who actually won 2nd place with his flamboyant outfit and moves. The guy who won first was drunk out of his mind and took his pants off... but I don't think this is the kind of contest one wants to win.
We were then treated to a performance by Raja, drag-queen extraordinaire and winner of the most recent season of Ru Paul's Drag Race (my guiltiest of all guilty pleasure reality show obsessions). She lip-synced FOR HER LIFE to that song "whatever Lola wants, Lola gets" and pranced around with a 2-foot tall bright yellow showgirl headdress.
As my feet started to ache, Dita came on for the grand finale. She came out housed in a stage-sized pagoda, and danced seductively around with a giant fan. She twirled from ropes inside the pagoda, did splits in the air, and by the end of the show there wasn't any person in that audience that wasn't a little bit in love with and in awe of her.
Some of you may be wondering about the level of nudity in the show. Though there was definitely a LOT of skin, the women always wore sparkly panties and pasties. Even without the full nudity, the tassels, teases and seductive moving were more than enough to make this R-rated and very, very sensual. In other words, it was awesome.
I really look forward to seeing her perform again. It was honestly one of the best Wednesday nights I've had lately (right up there with my Drag Queen Bingo Wednesday night!). I loved that even though I paid to see one performer, I saw about 10 different burlesque acts all performing their own take on the style. It was very much like the movie that inspired this bucket-list item, but way, way better (and way more scandalous) in real-life. I would highly recommend a show like this to anyone who has an open mind, doesn't mind seeing girls take off their clothes, and is willing to surrender their current girl-crush over to Dita von Teese.
I always use will-call to get real tickets!
My favorite performance of the night!
Me and Barb getting our burlesque on!
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