#34: Comedy shows at Upright Citizens Brigade and the Groundlings

I've never been a big fan of comedy clubs. I've been to a total of two comedy shows in my life, both coincidentally at Cobbs Comedy Club in San Francisco. The first show was an absolutely crude, vile woman talking about how she "pleases her man" to put it lightly (ew) and the second show was Tracy Morgan doing stand-up. Though I'm a huge fan of his work on TV (Brian Fellows skits on SNL, Tracy Jordan on 30 Rock) his stand-up was crude and vile as well. I found myself laughing more out of shock than actual humor. So when my friends suggested going to some of LA's famous comedy clubs as part of my 2011 list, I did my very best to think of something else to do instead.

But then, around Christmas time last year, I found myself reading Kathy Griffin's memoir. Besides being an absolutely hilarious book, she talked about her years as a student and member of the Groundlings theater. Immediately, I knew the improv theaters of LA would be very different from the comedy clubs of SF.

The Groundlings and the Upright Citizens Brigade are both improv schools, where part of the curriculum is to perform nightly in front of a live audience. There are different themes to the shows, and a few are actually scripted. Even though sometimes they may have famous guests, for the most part it's unknown young actors in the shows. Both theaters boast impressive alumni lists (Groundlings: Kathy Griffin, Phil Hartman, Lisa Kudrow, John Lovitz, Ray Romano, etc; UCB: Will Ferrell, Tina Fey, Amy Pohler, Aziz Ansari, Sarah Silverman, etc) and both offer cheap, sometimes even free, shows for the public.

Part One: Upright Citizens Brigade

UCB has several shows every night of the week. As I was looking at the calendar trying to decide which show to see, one popped out at me that I absolutely HAD HAD HAD to see. I would have gone alone if no one wanted to go with me. It was called "The Realest Real Housewives" and featured 7 women re-enacting unedited, unabridged scenes from different episodes from the Real Housewives franchise. I am ob-sessed with the Real Housewives (Beverly Hills, Atlanta, NY and NJ) and I know first-hand how ridiculous and hilarious these shows are, so the comedy re-telling would be pure gold. I got together my other Housewives fans, Jannine, Tracy, Joey and Josh, and brought Ronny along as well.

We got to the theater about 30 minutes before showtime, and waited in line on the sidewalk outside. When they started letting people in, we filed down a narrow hallway and into the theater. It is very, very small, only about 80 seats, so even though we sat in technically the back row, we were about 20 feet from the stage.

The show started with the ladies all singing their own rendition of "Tardy for the Party." The narrator then introduced the seven ladies, one of whom I recognized as a feature player on SNL. There was also one man in the cast, who played all the husband/gay hairstylist parts in the show. They then went city by city, reenacting all the best scenes. There was Bethenny and Kelly's "I'm up here, you're down there" scene from NY, the famous wig-pull between Sheree, NeNe and Kim from Atlanta, the incredibly awkward dinner scene with Camille Grammar and her electonic-cigarette-smoking psychic friend from Beverly Hills, and OF COURSE the now infamous table flipping scene from New Jersey. Among many other scenes from those cities as well as Orange County, DC and Miami. It. Was. Hilarious.

And the best part... my boyfriend, who has never seen one episode of The Real Housewives and rolls his eyes whenever I mention a recent episode, was laughing the loudest and hardest of anyone.

The show was only 1 hour, and definitely left us wanting more! Afterwards we went right next door to a pizzeria for dinner, where we practically ran into Jack McBrayer (Kenneth from 30 Rock!) who is a UCB Alumni. I am looking forward to going back to UCB for sure. I can't think of many other things you can do in this city that are this fun, and that cheap!

Part Two: The Groundlings

My friend Kaio used to take classes at the Groundlings, and has been telling me about it for a while. So when he found a show he wanted to see, I was happy to accompany him and his girlfriend Regina. The show was called "Black Version," which is an improv show where an all-black cast takes classic films and makes "black versions" of the movie. In past shows, they have re-enacted Top Gun, Titanic, The Godfather, Gone with the Wind, etc. The most recent one they had done was Silence of the Lambs, renamed to "Bitch, Why You Eatin' People?!?" We were in for a good show.

The moderator started with asking the audience for ideas of which movie to parody. I wanted them to do Zoolander, but apparently that wasn't "classic" enough. Oh well. They ended up choosing Star Wars, which was promptly renamed to "Space Fight," complete with an improv theme song set to the tone of Boyz II Men's "End of the Road."

They began to tell the classic take of Pookie Lowrider's quest to leave his job as a VCR repairman ("This just isn't for me!! I don't even know when it's fixed or broke, cuz no one has no VHS tapes anymore!!!") to find his greater calling in life. He then meets Shaft, a wise man that knows secrets of Pookie's past, and who trains him in the ways of the force using xbox ("You'd THINK they'd have a Wii up in this shit!") Along the way they find Lashawn Double to pilot an airplane ("Yo yo yo, watch this! Imma bout to put the hydraulics AND anti-gravity on at the same time!!") so they can all go save Lil' Princess ("Shaft! We need yo help up in here!") from the evil clutches of Cocoa Butter.

All the classic scenes, spun into a ridiculous black comedy (complete with outtakes and DVD commentary!) I think it goes without saying that the show was HILARIOUS. They are doing another Black Version show in July, and I will most definitely be there.

This show was a little more expensive, $15 compared to UCB's $10. However, it was a 2 hour show (instead of 1) and it was equally as funny. I don't think one could say one comedy club was better than another, because they are both so different and successful. There is definitely room for both in Los Angeles! I am so happy that I went to both clubs, and already have plans to return!

#28: Burlesque show on the Sunset Strip

My friend Barbara insisted last year that we see the movie "Burlesque." I knew it was going to be a hot sequined mess of a movie, but I still went just to see what kinds of songs they would have Christina Aguilera singing. I was right-on with my assessment of the movie (it was basically a low-budget version of "Chicago") but regardless, the music numbers were fun and flirty, and it got me thinking. The whole movie centered around this down-on-its-luck burlesque club on the Sunset Strip. But inside the club looked glitzy and expensive, and I wondered, do clubs like this actually exist? I thought it might actually be pretty fun to see a strip-tease burlesque show, complete with feathers, sequins, and maybe even a bit of T&A.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago, when I was at home sick and finally catching up on the dozen Chelsea Lately episodes in my DVR. The first show I watched had guest Dita von Teese. For those of you who don't know who she is, she is probably the world's most famous burlesque performer (certainly the only one I know by name). She splits her time between Los Angeles and Paris, but only does a few shows a year in LA. I thought it was a pipe dream to ever see her perform, but here she was, on Chelsea Lately, announcing TWO shows at the Roxy Theater on the Sunset Strip in mid-May. Bingo!

I immediately texted Barbara, my burlesque partner-in-crime, and told her we we going.

When the night of the show finally arrived, we made our way down Sunset Blvd over to the Roxy. I've heard about this club several times, along with the other clubs nearby like the Troubadour, Whiskey-A-Go-Go, the Viper Room, Rainbow Room, etc etc. I've never been to any of them, nor have I ever wanted to, because when I read the Motley Crue autobiography years ago, they went into detail about how dirty and dingy these clubs are, and I have it on good authority that none of them have really changed.

There was already a line forming outside for the 7pm show, so we got our tickets from will-call and hopped in line. When we made it into the club we got drinks, carved out a good spot to stand, and waited. We thought the show would start at 7, apparently the show actually started at 8:30. I was so glad I had worn flats! (I learned a long time ago to NEVER wear heels to a general-admission show, I don't care how fancy the place is, the pain is never worth it!).

When the lights finally went down, the gender-ambiguous host came out, got the crowd excited, and introduced Dita von Teese. It was immediately apparent to me why this woman is the world's most well-known burlesque performer. She was captivating, mesmerizing, and very, very good at what she does. For her first number she did her famous martini-glass performance. She started in a full suit (complete with top hat!), while dancing and lip-syncing to a 40s-esque song about liking a man who takes his time. She slowly revealed more and more skin, eventually ending up in a corset. Dita is a very thin woman, but after years of wearing corsets, she can get her waist in a corset down to 16 inches. 16 inches!!! It's a sight to see for sure. After the corset came off, she climbed into the big martini glass and squeezed a big sponge full of water all over herself. Yowza.

The crowd went wild.

Then we saw several other performances. We watched a Russian girl named Lada from the Crazy Horse is Paris do acrobatics on a huge heart-shaped apparatus, a spicy Latina named La Cholita shimmy like her life depended on it in a hot pink chiquita-banana outfit, and an Elvis-inspired number. Then Dita came on again!

This number was another one of her "signature" dances, where she is on-pointe in ballet shoes, dancing in and around a 8-foot tall makeup compact. She started out in a big fluffy tutu that mimicked the pad for the compact, and ended up practically naked covered in a cloud of powder. Obviously, my favorite performance of the night.

Then we saw more acts. Another from the Russian, then one from a full-figured black woman who jumped in the air and landed in the splits (how do people DO that!?) and then an audience-participation dance-off. The host pulled none other than PRINCE POPPYCOCK from the audience (anyone who saw last season's America's Got Talent knows who I'm talking about) who actually won 2nd place with his flamboyant outfit and moves. The guy who won first was drunk out of his mind and took his pants off... but I don't think this is the kind of contest one wants to win.

We were then treated to a performance by Raja, drag-queen extraordinaire and winner of the most recent season of Ru Paul's Drag Race (my guiltiest of all guilty pleasure reality show obsessions). She lip-synced FOR HER LIFE to that song "whatever Lola wants, Lola gets" and pranced around with a 2-foot tall bright yellow showgirl headdress.

As my feet started to ache, Dita came on for the grand finale. She came out housed in a stage-sized pagoda, and danced seductively around with a giant fan. She twirled from ropes inside the pagoda, did splits in the air, and by the end of the show there wasn't any person in that audience that wasn't a little bit in love with and in awe of her.

Some of you may be wondering about the level of nudity in the show. Though there was definitely a LOT of skin, the women always wore sparkly panties and pasties. Even without the full nudity, the tassels, teases and seductive moving were more than enough to make this R-rated and very, very sensual. In other words, it was awesome.

I really look forward to seeing her perform again. It was honestly one of the best Wednesday nights I've had lately (right up there with my Drag Queen Bingo Wednesday night!). I loved that even though I paid to see one performer, I saw about 10 different burlesque acts all performing their own take on the style. It was very much like the movie that inspired this bucket-list item, but way, way better (and way more scandalous) in real-life. I would highly recommend a show like this to anyone who has an open mind, doesn't mind seeing girls take off their clothes, and is willing to surrender their current girl-crush over to Dita von Teese.

I always use will-call to get real tickets!

My favorite performance of the night!

Me and Barb getting our burlesque on!